kristin has been a bad kristin
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
