Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
