Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
