god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
