i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
