Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
