You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
