I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
