Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
