I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
