Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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