they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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