Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
