she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
