By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
