I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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