I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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