I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
