I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
