I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
