so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
