the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
