i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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