Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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