Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
