i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
