Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
