My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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