Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
