Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
