I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
