I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
