I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
