I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
