I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
