my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
