he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
