My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize