You just made me feel so damn special
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
3 2 1 whiskey
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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