im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
