And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
