her vagine was all disorganized.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
