youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
barbara walters just said penis...
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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