Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
