I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Im part way to drunk.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
