Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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