he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
