We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
