she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
