No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
