I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
