All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize