Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
