There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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