So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize