Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
