if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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