So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
