____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
