Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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