I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
