No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
