if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
