Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
