he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
