I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
my shit smells like andre
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
We are two peas in an std pod
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
