i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
