It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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