i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I don't deserve a penis
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
