TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
