While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
