ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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