A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
